Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Recovering from Surgery

I had my surgery this morning. It went well.  Homer got my meds, some lunch, and brought me home so he could go to his last classes today.  I feel bad b/c he missed Monday and Tuesday so he could stay w/ me since I was a wreck.  I dropped Kaylee Beth off at daycare yesterday morning.  We were 1 1/2 later than usual since I didn't have anywhere to be and was moving slow all morning.  I kept getting teary-eyed while I was getting her ready. So she took my hands and started walking in a circle singing, "Ashes, Ashes." (this is her version of ring around the rosy. It makes her happy, so she must have thought it would cheer mommy up too!) It was so cute that I started crying more.  Well once at daycare, her teacher asked if everything was alright. So... I broke down! So in a room full of toddlers, the adult is the one crying.  The other teachers walked in mid-breakdown and were really wondering what was going on.  So, this is the reason Homer missed classes yesterday lol.
Last night we visited with our neighbor to ask her if something happens if she could get KB.  We found out that she had been fired from her job a couple of days ago and has decided she's moving back to Florida, where shes from.  I'm not sure if it was hearing her problems, or watching how excited and happy Kaylee Beth was to play with her and her dog, but once we got home, I felt much more at ease with the whole situation.  She reminded me that I can find the positive in any situation.  She had just gotten fired from her job she had been at for 7 years, but could only focus on the fact that she finally had a reason to move back home.  I got teary a couple more times, but not a break down.  So this morning, I was able to make it through everything without tears. 
I know God has a plan for us, and it may not turn out to match what we think the plan should be.  He's given me more time to get adjusted to the move back home and to working in the hospital so I can learn as much as I can.  He's also given us more time to enjoy Kaylee Beth and spend quality time with her.  A mother never wants to lose a baby, but I know He knows what he's doing and I put all of my trust in him.
Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers through this difficult time! 

Monday, February 15, 2010

Bye Bye Little One

Today is a very sad day :(  It didn't start off this way though. KB and I had a very good morning, listening to music while we're getting ready.  She even wanted me to hold her and cuddle for a good 5 minutes before we left the house.  After dropping her off at daycare, I headed to McDonalds to study before my OB appointment.  After waiting for 40 minutes in the waiting room, I was called back for my check up.  The dr started listening for the heartbeat and had trouble with the doppler so he had the nurse bring in the portable ultrasound machine. He was blocking the view but neither he nor the nurse said a word during it.  Then he put it away and said he wanted me to get a real ultrasound at the imaging center.  He said some women aren't able to hear a heartbeat on the doppler until about 12 or 13 weeks and because I emptied my bladder when I got there, that it was hard to find my uterus.  I asked him if he thought something was wrong and he said there was no reason to think that since I haven't had any bleeding or cramps. So they sent me straight there... I knew they had to be worried b/c they didn't schedule me an appointment, they just worked me in.  I called Homer and told him to meet me there because I was afraid something was wrong. Once we got back to the room, she did it on the belly and said she couldn't see as well and needed to do an intravaginal ultrasound.  Then she clicked and probed for a few minutes and said, "we have 3 ways to check the fetal heartbeat (and explained them all). But we're not showing one in any of them."  She said the baby had stopped receiving blood and it's heart had stopped. It had also stopped growing since the last ultrasound.  At this point, I started crying and I'm not sure what else she said.  We talked to a few more people and were sent back to my dr's office.  He said it's called a "missed abortion." Where more than likely the baby had a genetic or chromosomal defect that would not have survived.  My body still thinks its pregnant, which technically it is.  He said that 1 out of 5 new patients will have a miscarriage and that most women will if they undergo enough pregnancies.  Since we had a successful pregnancy in the past, he does not feel that our chances of having another are any less than before.  But it doesn't make the emotional pain any less.  I set up surgery for Wednesday when he'll do a D&C to clean out my uterus.  I hate having to go on with my life the next few days knowing I'm carrying my lifeless baby.  I have exams for the next 3 days. Today was supposed to be a big cram-session, but I've spent it going back and forth from drs and going by my school to turn in my excuse for wed and thurs.  I'm waiting to hear back on when I need to make them up and if I need to plan on taking the one tomorrow or not. But it's so hard to concentrate! All I want to do is go get Kaylee Beth from day care and hold her. 

Even though my baby was only with us for 11 weeks, we have all grown attached to it, and I already miss it! I may never know the sex of my little baby, but it'll always be with me...

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Valentines Day

It has been another busy week here.  I've been trying to study more these days because exams start Tuesday.  After my last exam on Thursday, I have to get home and pack because Kaylee Beth and I are going to Birmingham for my spring break.  Homer still has work and school, so we're going without him.  My parents are super excited about seeing KB!  And we may even get to see Homer's family, too! It'll be a nice break from class, but I'll have to hit the books hard to study for the boards.  
Pregnancy symptoms seem to have eased up a little.  I didn't take my nausea medicine last night and I didn't have any nausea this morning. So maybe I'm done with it!  Hopefully it won't come back.  I still have my super smell though. Last week I opened the door to our classroom, it's a huge room for all 275 students, and I could smell someone's garlic breath! I smelled it the entire first lecture! I wonder how much garlic someone must consume to be able to smell it from that far! I'm sure they were embarrassed if they ever figured out how bad they smelled!!  
Kaylee Beth had her class V'Day party Friday. She was so calm and patient waiting for the teachers to pass out the snacks. She didn't try to stand in her chair, climb on the table, or eat anyone elses food like the other kids. She was perfect!  We couldn't believe it! This is def NOT the case at home. We constantly have to get her off the table or tell her to sit down and the big one is "Don't throw your food!"  But at school she's an angel.  Wish I had taken my camera to get pictures! She seemed to enjoy passing out valentine cards to her friends and I'm glad we were able to go.
We actually celebrated Valentines day while she was in school Friday, before the party.  After my classes, we went to the movie theater and watched Valentines Day. It was a great movie! It is like Love Actually, and we both really enjoyed it. Then we went to lunch, then to KB's party.  It wasn't much of a celebration, but it was enough alone time to be enjoyable!  
I have my 2nd ob appointment tomorrow morning. Hopefully we'll get to hear the heartbeat.  I'm ready to find out what it is so I can start planning everything.  I also wish I had a sewing machine so I could sew KB some dresses and then sew the baby's bedding once I find out if it's a he or a she. Hope everyone has a great week!

Saturday, February 6, 2010


So this weekend Homer is doing the Marines, so it's just me and KB.  She let me sleep til 830!  But I haven't felt quite right since I woke up.  I feel like I'm starting to get a cold and I've had a headache all day.  I took her this morning to play in the indoor play area at a shopping mall down the road. She played for almost 2 hrs!! Then we came back for lunch. She would not take a nap. She fought it for over a hour! One time she was calling me and when I went in her room she had her hands stretched towards me saying "ewwie."  Turns out she had gone poopoo and somehow got it out of her diaper. It was in her bed and both hands! So after cleaning it up, I put her back in there with a book and went to lie down myself.  Soon she finally fell asleep... and so did I.  Except after the nap, my headache got worse! looks like I'll be taking tylenol in a minute.  Not sure what we're doing for supper tonight. But I'm already starving and Homer's not answering.  Looks like it may be a take-out night... Mama just doesn't feel like cooking

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Another Week

We've been keeping busy this past week.  Let's see, since I last posted, Kaylee Beth has done many new things.  She has added some new words to her vocabulary, including 'zza' for pizza, elbow, 'ights' (lights), along with some others. She also has a new favorite game... Ring around the rosies.  She even joins in on "ashes, ashes."  And tonight after Da turned off the TV because Strawberry Shortcake was over and she stood on her on her potty/stool and turned it back on.  She's also learning to throw big fits to try to get what she wants.  So now, we've started ignoring her and carrying on with what we were doing until she stops and can calmly tell us what she wants.  She also has pee peed in her potty once and poo pooed once. She gets a dum dum and gets so excited about it. But I know we are still very far from being potty trained!
Along with her achievements, we noticed a rash on her last Wednesday.  It would occur in patches on diff body parts, and a couple of hours later would move to other places on her body.  We found out it was hives.  So then we had to go back and think of what she had eaten 3 days before.  We think it's either the paprika chicken we had for dinner or oreos. So we'll be having a taste test in a week or two. As of now, we're avoiding choc in case.  I've been busy teaching Kaylee Beth about the growing baby inside of mommy's tummy.  I'll ask her who the big sister is and she'll point to herself.  Then when I ask where the baby is, she'll point to my tummy.  So maybe she'll understand before the baby comes.
The little one has been growing quietly.  I tried to decrease my nausea meds, but the next morning I was sick and waited to eat breakfast. Luckily, it only lasted til about 8 instead of 11 or 12. So I've decided to keep taking the normal dose for now.  I've been taking weekly pictures to document its growth. It hasn't looked different until today. When I went to zumba tonight, I noticed my belly was sticking out a little more.  So I'm thinking my weak belly muscles are giving in to my grapefruit-sized uterus.  My mom is getting antsy about setting up the nursery (since we'll be moving into their house this summer, she sees it everyday and is waiting for he/she to get here).  She's determined it's a he and refers to "him" quite a bit. 

These are a few pictures we've taken over the past few weeks.  The 1st is her sliding, she saw the big kids go down head first. The next one is her shopping with her shopping cart at Target.  The next was playing at Wonderscope in the water room. If you can't tell what she's got on her neck in the next one, I'll tell you, it's my panties!! And the last one is when we took her sledding. We finally got rid of all of the snow and now it's supposed to start snowing tomorrow for the next 4 days! Boo!!