Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Everything happens for a reason...

So, I said that I've been worried about this pregnancy, and that part hasn't changed!  I still haven't had sore boobs, nor have they grown even a smidge :(  I find myself waking up in the middle of the night, just hoping they'll be sore. But so far, no luck.  (I know it's weird that I'm upset I don't have it, but I'd really love some more reassurance!)  So in hopes of calming my nerves, I took another pregnancy test.  It was positive! Yay! But it was my last one, and I'm pretty sure Homer will think I'm crazy if I go buy more at this point, not to mention be mad that I wasted $15 on it! I know not every pregnancy is the same and I won't have the same symptoms each time (I didn't have nausea w/ KB but had lots with #2).  But It still worries me when I don't get symptoms I've had before.  Even knowing this, I've wanted to call the nurse just to hear her say this is normal.  So, during one of the many trips to the bathroom, I just sat there and thought.  And it suddenly occurred to me why God sent me that little baby, just to have it taken away so soon.  With my first pregnancy, I didn't worry about things.  My doctor told me to stop reading thing and to "just have a baby." So, that's what I did.  I ate pretty much anything (and with her I ate everything-lol) and didn't stress about using a heating pad or drinking a can of diet coke.  But after having a missed abortion, I have been focusing on these things.  As a doctor, it is important for me to know why women are calling all the time and coming in for "meaningless visits about the smallest things."  I could see how this would be frustrating for a doctor to have to answer every little question for a pregnant women.  But having gone through it, I completely understand why women stress about every little thing their body is doing, or in my case, not doing.  I really think this will help me to become a better doctor, especially since I am interested in OB/GYN.  I am in no way glad I went through the experience, but I glad however that God was able to use it and teach me a valuable lesson and now I can use it to help others.  God is so amazing! 

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