Everything happens for a reason...

So, I said that I've been worried about this pregnancy, and that part hasn't changed!  I still haven't had sore boobs, nor have they grown even a smidge :(  I find myself waking up in the middle of the night, just hoping they'll be sore. But so far, no luck.  (I know it's weird that I'm upset I don't have it, but I'd really love some more reassurance!)  So in hopes of calming my nerves, I took another pregnancy test.  It was positive! Yay! But it was my last one, and I'm pretty sure Homer will think I'm crazy if I go buy more at this point, not to mention be mad that I wasted $15 on it! I know not every pregnancy is the same and I won't have the same symptoms each time (I didn't have nausea w/ KB but had lots with #2).  But It still worries me when I don't get symptoms I've had before.  Even knowing this, I've wanted to call the nurse just to hear her say this is normal.  So, during one of the many trips to the bathroom, I just sat there and thought.  And it suddenly occurred to me why God sent me that little baby, just to have it taken away so soon.  With my first pregnancy, I didn't worry about things.  My doctor told me to stop reading thing and to "just have a baby." So, that's what I did.  I ate pretty much anything (and with her I ate everything-lol) and didn't stress about using a heating pad or drinking a can of diet coke.  But after having a missed abortion, I have been focusing on these things.  As a doctor, it is important for me to know why women are calling all the time and coming in for "meaningless visits about the smallest things."  I could see how this would be frustrating for a doctor to have to answer every little question for a pregnant women.  But having gone through it, I completely understand why women stress about every little thing their body is doing, or in my case, not doing.  I really think this will help me to become a better doctor, especially since I am interested in OB/GYN.  I am in no way glad I went through the experience, but I glad however that God was able to use it and teach me a valuable lesson and now I can use it to help others.  God is so amazing! 

Another week down

Tomorrow is 5 weeks.  I haven't been having many symptoms so far.  I've been having to pee a little more and been a little more tired.  But that's pretty much it.  After having a miscarriage last time, I almost wish I had more symptoms just so I would know everything is OK.  I've been worried about losing this baby.  But I know there is no good in worrying, so I try to keep my mind off of it. 
Kaylee Beth got sick from a girl in her class.  She started feeling bad at the end of the day yesterday and when we picked her up from daycare, she slowly walked over to me (instead of running and squealing) and when I picked her up, she immediately put her head down on my shoulder.  We didn't even make it home without her throwing up.  She felt so bad that she fell asleep in my lap at 7:30! We've been lucky to get her asleep by 9 these days!  Today we took her to the doctor and turns out she has strep throat.  Her fever keeps coming and going and gets up to 102!  And the worst part is that she's fighting us with taking her medicine.  So we can't keep her fever down because she won't take Tylenol and we won't be able to get rid of the strep throat soon b/c she won't take the antibiotics either.  Why don't we force her to take it, you say? This kid has the most sensitive gag reflex ever! She throws up if she starts crying too hard!! So, we've learned, after many back fires, that we can't try to squirt some in her mouth without her knowing.  So... we may be battling strep throat for a while!

Round #3

So, I've been debating on whether or not to post about this one.  BUT.... I'M PREGNANT AGAIN!!  We are so excited! But as you can imagine, I'm super scared and nervous about this one after what happened last time.  I had a positive test last week and went to the doctor for an "official" urine pregnancy test done today.  So based on my last menstrual period, my due date is December 25. If everything goes well this time, this baby will definitely be a Christmas Miracle!  (I'm not really positive that this is my real due date b/c I think my period was prob irregular after coming off of a miscarriage, but I like the idea of Christmas Day).  I wasn't sure if I should announce it just yet, since I'm only 4 weeks along.  But I don't see a miscarriage as something to be ashamed of.  If you don't tell anyone you're pregnant in the first place, you won't have anyone there to help you through if something were to happen.  Please pray for a safe pregnancy and a healthy baby.  I've already noticed some symptoms starting.  I hope this doesn't mean it's gonna be a long 1st trimester!!  The past couple of nights I've been waking up to pee and I've already been hit with exhaustion.  Luckily, no nausea just yet, and just maybe, it won't be coming this time!  My doctor appointment is in exactly 4 weeks.  I'll be keeping everyone posted on the pregnancy.  Yay!!  :)

Trying again?

Well, I haven't had much to update since the last post.  We've just been busy with life I guess.  I've been studying for classes and trying to squeeze in studying for boards in between.  And, of course, I've been making time to do fun stuff with Kaylee Beth!  She's growing up so fast.  We've been working on learning colors and today and did wonderful at pointing to the colors.  She's also doing a lot more on her own now.  Oh, and did I mention that she loves jewelry and shoes??  I think Dada is gonna be in trouble with this one!  
I've gotten a few doctor's opinions on when to try again for another baby, and most seem to agree with after the first period.  So... I started over a week ago and am getting close to ovulation. We've been thinking and praying about the situation a lot lately.  Homer and I aren't sure if God was trying to tell us now isn't the time for a new baby or just wanted us to go through the situation.  We had a sermon in church a couple of weeks ago that struck me.  It was about living God's plan for your life, not trying to fit God into your plan.  It made me step back and assess the situation.  I definitely have a strong desire to be pregnant and have another baby, but I've been struggling with where the desire is coming from...

Recovering from Surgery

I had my surgery this morning. It went well.  Homer got my meds, some lunch, and brought me home so he could go to his last classes today.  I feel bad b/c he missed Monday and Tuesday so he could stay w/ me since I was a wreck.  I dropped Kaylee Beth off at daycare yesterday morning.  We were 1 1/2 later than usual since I didn't have anywhere to be and was moving slow all morning.  I kept getting teary-eyed while I was getting her ready. So she took my hands and started walking in a circle singing, "Ashes, Ashes." (this is her version of ring around the rosy. It makes her happy, so she must have thought it would cheer mommy up too!) It was so cute that I started crying more.  Well once at daycare, her teacher asked if everything was alright. So... I broke down! So in a room full of toddlers, the adult is the one crying.  The other teachers walked in mid-breakdown and were really wondering what was going on.  So, this is the reason Homer missed classes yesterday lol.
Last night we visited with our neighbor to ask her if something happens if she could get KB.  We found out that she had been fired from her job a couple of days ago and has decided she's moving back to Florida, where shes from.  I'm not sure if it was hearing her problems, or watching how excited and happy Kaylee Beth was to play with her and her dog, but once we got home, I felt much more at ease with the whole situation.  She reminded me that I can find the positive in any situation.  She had just gotten fired from her job she had been at for 7 years, but could only focus on the fact that she finally had a reason to move back home.  I got teary a couple more times, but not a break down.  So this morning, I was able to make it through everything without tears. 
I know God has a plan for us, and it may not turn out to match what we think the plan should be.  He's given me more time to get adjusted to the move back home and to working in the hospital so I can learn as much as I can.  He's also given us more time to enjoy Kaylee Beth and spend quality time with her.  A mother never wants to lose a baby, but I know He knows what he's doing and I put all of my trust in him.
Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers through this difficult time! 

Bye Bye Little One

Today is a very sad day :(  It didn't start off this way though. KB and I had a very good morning, listening to music while we're getting ready.  She even wanted me to hold her and cuddle for a good 5 minutes before we left the house.  After dropping her off at daycare, I headed to McDonalds to study before my OB appointment.  After waiting for 40 minutes in the waiting room, I was called back for my check up.  The dr started listening for the heartbeat and had trouble with the doppler so he had the nurse bring in the portable ultrasound machine. He was blocking the view but neither he nor the nurse said a word during it.  Then he put it away and said he wanted me to get a real ultrasound at the imaging center.  He said some women aren't able to hear a heartbeat on the doppler until about 12 or 13 weeks and because I emptied my bladder when I got there, that it was hard to find my uterus.  I asked him if he thought something was wrong and he said there was no reason to think that since I haven't had any bleeding or cramps. So they sent me straight there... I knew they had to be worried b/c they didn't schedule me an appointment, they just worked me in.  I called Homer and told him to meet me there because I was afraid something was wrong. Once we got back to the room, she did it on the belly and said she couldn't see as well and needed to do an intravaginal ultrasound.  Then she clicked and probed for a few minutes and said, "we have 3 ways to check the fetal heartbeat (and explained them all). But we're not showing one in any of them."  She said the baby had stopped receiving blood and it's heart had stopped. It had also stopped growing since the last ultrasound.  At this point, I started crying and I'm not sure what else she said.  We talked to a few more people and were sent back to my dr's office.  He said it's called a "missed abortion." Where more than likely the baby had a genetic or chromosomal defect that would not have survived.  My body still thinks its pregnant, which technically it is.  He said that 1 out of 5 new patients will have a miscarriage and that most women will if they undergo enough pregnancies.  Since we had a successful pregnancy in the past, he does not feel that our chances of having another are any less than before.  But it doesn't make the emotional pain any less.  I set up surgery for Wednesday when he'll do a D&C to clean out my uterus.  I hate having to go on with my life the next few days knowing I'm carrying my lifeless baby.  I have exams for the next 3 days. Today was supposed to be a big cram-session, but I've spent it going back and forth from drs and going by my school to turn in my excuse for wed and thurs.  I'm waiting to hear back on when I need to make them up and if I need to plan on taking the one tomorrow or not. But it's so hard to concentrate! All I want to do is go get Kaylee Beth from day care and hold her. 

Even though my baby was only with us for 11 weeks, we have all grown attached to it, and I already miss it! I may never know the sex of my little baby, but it'll always be with me...

Valentines Day

It has been another busy week here.  I've been trying to study more these days because exams start Tuesday.  After my last exam on Thursday, I have to get home and pack because Kaylee Beth and I are going to Birmingham for my spring break.  Homer still has work and school, so we're going without him.  My parents are super excited about seeing KB!  And we may even get to see Homer's family, too! It'll be a nice break from class, but I'll have to hit the books hard to study for the boards.  
Pregnancy symptoms seem to have eased up a little.  I didn't take my nausea medicine last night and I didn't have any nausea this morning. So maybe I'm done with it!  Hopefully it won't come back.  I still have my super smell though. Last week I opened the door to our classroom, it's a huge room for all 275 students, and I could smell someone's garlic breath! I smelled it the entire first lecture! I wonder how much garlic someone must consume to be able to smell it from that far! I'm sure they were embarrassed if they ever figured out how bad they smelled!!  
Kaylee Beth had her class V'Day party Friday. She was so calm and patient waiting for the teachers to pass out the snacks. She didn't try to stand in her chair, climb on the table, or eat anyone elses food like the other kids. She was perfect!  We couldn't believe it! This is def NOT the case at home. We constantly have to get her off the table or tell her to sit down and the big one is "Don't throw your food!"  But at school she's an angel.  Wish I had taken my camera to get pictures! She seemed to enjoy passing out valentine cards to her friends and I'm glad we were able to go.
We actually celebrated Valentines day while she was in school Friday, before the party.  After my classes, we went to the movie theater and watched Valentines Day. It was a great movie! It is like Love Actually, and we both really enjoyed it. Then we went to lunch, then to KB's party.  It wasn't much of a celebration, but it was enough alone time to be enjoyable!  
I have my 2nd ob appointment tomorrow morning. Hopefully we'll get to hear the heartbeat.  I'm ready to find out what it is so I can start planning everything.  I also wish I had a sewing machine so I could sew KB some dresses and then sew the baby's bedding once I find out if it's a he or a she. Hope everyone has a great week!